>But…Where’s the Wood?

>: I want a glass of wine, but I don’t know any of these.

Me: What do you normally like to drink, even though I know you are going to say “Oaky Cab Sauvs”?

: Oaky Cab Sauvs.


: …

Me: We don’t have one of those. But try this (pouring a taste of Carneros Pinot Noir and a Valpolicella Ripasso). The first one has the style you want, but the second has the weight.

: Hmmm…um…uhn…

Me: Okay, try this. I normally don’t go in for Mendoza Malbec, but this one is really balanced. It won’t be oaky but it is stylistically and weight-wise the closest thing you’re going to get to what you normally like. And hey, why not try something new?

: Hunh….mmmm….ssssooo confuuuused….must…have…oak!

Me: Or let’s do something totally different but that you’ll love: a Montepulciano d’Abruzzo. It’s like cocoa-dusted raspberries and—

: Raspberries?!?! In WINE?!

: You do know wine is made from grapes, right?

: I’d never think of raspberries and wine…or cocoa…and WINE?

Me: There’s a lot of fruit to smell in wine when there isn’t a whole forest of oak to mask it.

: But oaky wines are always the most expensive.

Me: Yes! You’ve hit upon something that’s very controversial in the wine industry. It’s the effort on the part of winemakers to please Robert Parker and his peers, a bizarre oligarchy of mouths that only respond to oak, plum, coffee, chocolate, smoke, and—provided there’s enough of the stuff I just mentioned—tobacco. So any wine forcibly made to taste like these things get higher points and higher prices.

: (Pointing to a funky, poopy-licious biodynamic Rhône Syrah on the menu). I’ll just have the Syrah. Is that like a Shiraz?

: Yes. Yes it is.


About emc

Out beyond any ideas of right-doing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you in it.
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3 Responses to >But…Where’s the Wood?

  1. Nicole says:

    >I seriously love the whole dialogue with pictures thing you've got going on lately… So funny!

  2. Wade says:

    >Casting yourself as Dick Cheney is a gutsy and hilarious move.

  3. emc says:

    >Well, I did a Google image search for "psychokiller" and his picture came up.

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