>When reviewing Chinese restaurants, if you cite your experience with any of the following, you are wasting everyone’s time:
General Tso’s anything
Walnut and Honey Shrimp
These dishes are about as Chinese as Howdy Doody. What’s more, they’re dead giveaways that your palate is probably so mucked up with sugar, salt, and corn starch, that I wouldn’t trust you to tell me if I was about to bite into a steaming dog turd. I’ll take my chances, thanks.
Ask for the Szechuan dishes, the Mandarin, the Cantonese…the real ones. The ones they aren’t giving you on the white-folks menu. Ask for extra spicy. Ask for Lion’s Head, oyster hot pots, ma po tofu. Soup dumplings! Demand soup dumplings! If more Americans raved about soup dumplings the way they do about General Tso’s Heinous Ass Buffet, we wouldn’t have to go to effing New York City to find one.
Tripe. Sea cucumber intestine. Scallop poop – whatever sounds weird, get it.
Seriously, people. There’s a reason whole nations eat these things.
If Weight Watchers makes a frozen dinner of it, don’t ever ever ever waste the world’s time reviewing it for a restaurant.